Dear Family and Friends,

As some of you already know, we struggle with infertility. After a conversation I had with someone on Mother's Day, I realized that openness is the best way to prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

First of all, I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the declined baby shower invitations, excuses for not babysitting, and general bitterness I often exude. I hope that I haven't offended anyone and I hope you know I love you all. I tend to misdirect my anger and I'm sorry for that.

 I have realized that most people just don't know what to do or say when they learn about our situation. It can be awkward sometimes, and I know you just want to help. 

So...I thought I'd help with that. 

Please don't...

- Assume we want to hold your baby. (If we do, we will ask. They are all adorable and we love them, but some days are just harder than others.)

- Complain about parenthood to us (I think sometimes this is in an effort to make us feel better about our situation, but it really has the opposite effect.)

- Offer up treatment advice (our doctors know what's up)

- Joke about it (I know we are very light hearted in talking about it, but it's much less funny and sometimes hurtful when you are.)

 - Tell us to "just adopt" (the process is MUCH more difficult and expensive than you realize.)

- Tell us about your neighbor's boyfriend's daughter who miraculously got pregnant after three failed cycles of IUIs and IVF, or adopted and then got pregnant. (These stories don't really give us hope, but remind us that it seems to work for everyone but us. Also, every situation is different and you probably don't know all the details.)

-Say we should wait until we have more money/more education. (I'm pretty sure none of you know our financial situation, and we're pretty good decision makers.)

-Tell us to "just relax and it will happen". (We have actual diagnosis from great doctors that show it in fact won't just happen. You wouldn't tell someone with cancer to just relax and they'll get better ;). )

However, please DO...

- Lend a listening ear when we need it. (Thank you to all of you who already do this!)

-Keep your ears open for anyone planning on giving a child up for adoption. 

- Tell us privately before doing a pregnancy announcement. (It is hard to explain why, but these can be really emotional for me- especially when it is unexpected. Maybe that's immature, but I'm working on it.)

- Be open with us. (I know most of you don't care to know the details, but if you are curious we would much rather you ask than gossip or assume.)

- Keep inviting us to showers, blessings, baptisms, etc. We love you and your kids and we want to be supportive! Some days we may not feel up to it, but we will try our best. 

Anyway, we love you all and we are so thankful to have such amazing people in our lives.

Love always, 

Hannah and Brian